This is one of those dangerously ponderous blog entry-like blog entries, but . . . just what the hell is the “Key to the City”, anyway? We’ve seen it on television and in film, this award that is bestowed by a mayor to someone to honor their heroism or service to the community. Usually it …
Disaster: Limousine fire on the San Mateo-Hayward bridge, San Francisco Bay region, California. Rapidly-spreading blaze engulfs limousine with nine female passengers from a wedding reception; the five fatalities are all women, including the newly-married bride. How brown are they?: Passengers were of Chicano extraction; we’re guessing Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez, maybe Salma Hayek Reaction from …
Here’s the latest non-news news item to crop up: It seems that New Jersey governor Chris Christie (Where in the hell do these Republicans get these names? Reince, Rush, Rand, Newt, Mitt, Chris Christie — sheezus!), is more than a straight-talking, aisle-crossing leader of a state in post-Hurricane Sandy crisis. It seems that he’s also …
HONG KONG — A 54-foot-tall rubber duckie that floated into the Hong Kong harbor to the astonishment of onlookers wants answers. In an obscenity-laced tirade, Karl Van de Kamp, a whimsical bathtub toy originally of Amsterdam, The Netherlands, claims that the growth hormone he was prescribed by a U.S. doctor for a chronic sinus condition …
In case you need a refresher on who’s really running this country, lawmakers from both sides of the aisle are pushing to appropriate about a half a billion dollars in U.S. tax money toward the production of tanks that the U.S. Army has said it doesn’t need. Despite a repeated “No thanks” from senior army …
Disaster: Garment factory building in Savar, Bangladesh collapses. Rescuers still digging through the wreckage; currently over 700 fatalities reported. How brown are they?: Most of the cast of the film “Gandhi”; Tila “Tequila” Nguyen; Kal Penn Reaction from American Society: “Jeezis! Is this thing still in the news?” Similar disaster from U.S. History: The Tri-State …
What’s more heartwarming than the notion of a rich, well-connected Hollywood celeb stepping over millions of disenfranchised U.S. citizens on behalf of the plight of people overseas? Apparently, a small group of Hollywood celebs led by Ben Affleck are planning to spend an entire week (well, five days worth, anyway) living on $1.50 per day, …
Two National Football League prospects responsible for an especially egregious trashing of an Indianapolis hotel room during the recent NFL Combine say they were motivated by the “tremendously bad feng shui” of the suite’s decor and layout. A hotel manager at Indianapolis’ Crowne Plaza hotel was summoned to the room shared by the two football …
Disaster: 7.7 magnitude earthquake, epicenter in eastern Iran near the border with Pakistan. Iran sources retracting earlier reports that 40 people were killed; Pakistan reports six fatalities and 1,000 damaged structures. How brown are they?: Most of your basic Kardashian sisters; Salman Rushdie; Penelope Cruz; famous octomom Nadya Suleman Reaction from American society: Huh? Similar disaster …
Using the broad information-gathering resources of our own Chuck Foxtrot News Service division, we are unveiling a new category to suit your information needs. The category is titled, “Dead Brown People”, and it’s a gathering list of recent disasters in areas of the world many everyday Americans love to ignore, mostly because they’re filled with …
As you know, the Boston Marathon was hammered by two bomb blasts. Like many Americans, I’m scanning the internet, trying to gather what happened. And amid the search for information — the human toll; the rush of first responders to the scene; comments from the Boston Police, the mayor’s office, and the president; some indications …
MOSCOW: Russian defense officials now confirm that the fiery meteor that exploded over west central Russia on February 15 was, in actuality, an obese passenger who was ejected from an Aeroflot flight from Novosibirsk to Moscow. Reports from the Russian Air Defense Authority conclude that the passenger, 42-year-old Sergei Abolshoyolev, was jettisoned by Aeroflot Flight …
At long last, a wag-dogger that actually includes dogs! The world of blog commentarianism finally comes full-circle. For some reason, Yahoo!’s Good Morning America connection posted a picture and brief article of Vladimir Putin playing with his dogs, Buffy and Yume. Some Russian presidents just love “Putin” on the dog, I suppose. (Very audible groan.) …
The video game publisher Electronic Arts was named, for the second year in a row, “the worst company in America” by readers of The Consumerist. EA beat such companies as Bank of America, Comcast, Anheiser-Busch, AT&T, and Ticketmaster in Consumerist’s poll, and by no small margin: 78 percent of the overall vote by readers. How …
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Maybe there’s hope for America after all. It seems that television broadcast networks are becoming concerned about a growing trend in the U.S. where households are shutting off their TVs, pretty much permanently. The TV viewership research group Nielsen Co. have found themselves forced to scrape up a new label for households with absolutely no …
If ever there was a symptom that America was a culture dying by its own hand of stupidity, it had to have been present in the news item that a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget was purchased for $8,100 because, supposedly, it resembles George Washington. In February of 2012, Nebraska woman Rebekah Speight placed a 3-year-old Chicken …
Ever wonder how much truly relevant news is being displaced by Kardashian family updates? I do. So I did a little gathering. Here’s a little rundown of topics on Yahoo’s still horribly fucked-up main page, as of 5:30 PM, Eastern Standard Time: Headines about: Various Kardashians: 4 Roger Ebert (who recently died): 2 Threats from …
Any asshole can be a movie critic. Roger Ebert always knew this; so he elevated himself by not being so much of an asshole. Roger Ebert handed out reams of disapproving reviews in his time. Let’s face it; there’s been a lot of celluloid stool specimens through the years. But while so many of his …
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA: North Korea announced today its full intentions to “reduce America to ruins” by launching a new television reality series in U.S. markets. The program, tentatively titled “Dickless in North Korea”, might air as soon as this coming September on A&E, according to U.S. intelligence sources. If launched, this show might be viewed …
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