Norway mass killer Breivik not happy with prison life

Anders Behring Breivik just isn’t digging life in The Big House.

As you may recall, Breivik was the Norwegian bundle-of-laughs who strolled onto an youth camp on Utoya Island with automatic weapons and slaughtered 69 innocent people — this just hours after he detonated a vehicle bomb in Oslo that claimed an additional eight victims.  His motivation for the act?  He felt the political beliefs and social integration attitudes of his victims were disagreeable.

Unapologetic during his trial, Breivik was sentenced to 21 years in a prison in Norway.  And according to the 27-page letter he typed and sent to prison officials, he’s having a little trouble adjusting to his new digs.

Proclaiming in the letter that “there are limits to what a person can take,” Breivik described Norway’s Ila Prison as “a mini Abu Ghraib”.  In the letter, Breivik calls the notion of being forced to use a rubber stab-proof pen as “an almost indescribable manifestation of sadism.”  This as opposed to something like, say, putting a bullet through the skull of a teenager who’s trying desperately to crawl to safety after just receiving a shattering gunshot wound to the lower body.  Or doing that same thing ten or twenty more times.  That’s clearly more humanitarian.

The letter goes on to decry routines that Breivik calls “degrading”:  Taking pills, using an electric razor, and brushing his teeth under closely-watched supervision; and having to submit to daily strip searches by prison guards, some of whom are female.  And about those prison guards?  Well!  They just don’t respect Breivik’s daily schedule, which is timed down to the very minute!   I mean, even a self-absorbed psychopath is entitled to a daily itinerary, is he not?  Hey!  You gotta stay close to your kitchen mitts when you’ve got biscuits in the oven.  Yaknowhutimean?!

In the letter, of which copies were sent to Associated Press and various Norwegian news sources, Breivik accused prison officials of trying to drive him to suicide.  And let’s face it —  Breivik does have a point.  It’s getting so that a man-about-town can’t set off a couple of firecrackers or gun down a few dozen teenagers without some major hassle to deal with afterwards.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that I am an exceptionally patient person, I would most likely have lost my mind in pure frustration,” Breivik declares in the 27-page pout-lipped gripe.  With one copy of his letter, he hopes to enlist the support of Amnesty International.

Yeah, Anders.  Even though you’re serving what sounds more like a wait in line at a BMV office than a prison sentence, and your prison experience sounds more like MTV Beach House accommodations than any you’d experience in the United States (let alone Mexico, Brazil, Colombia, Turkey, or elsewhere), you just hang in there.  They’ve got their nerve, those Norwegian prison officials, treating a live-and-let-live guy like yourself in such a brutal manner.  With any luck, they’ll come to see the error of their ways —  and hopefully use you as a car bumper in a demolition derby.

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